Can you believe this? After telling all of us that "more than 99% of what people see is authentic" just one week ago , Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook has decided to bring down the hammer and embark on a truly Orwellian mission to destroy free speech on his social network, all in the name of "[taking] misinformation seriously."
Here's the lowdown on the scheme these neoliberal, establishment scum have cooked up:
1) Stronger Detection (what, as if we don't know what is and isn't real? The American people can't tell the difference between a joke and an actual piece of journalism?)
2) Easy Reporting (great, now we'll face 100x the censorship from these nutjob Social Justice Warriors than we already do)
3) Third Party Verification (what, you think Snopes is going to make it all OK? The same guys who fact-check obvious jokes by Donald Trump? Gimme a break!)
4) Warnings (Ooooh, scary – I've been WARNED by the great ZUCKERBOSS himself!!! We won't let that stop us from doing our duty by the American People who depend on our hard-hitting analysis every day!)
5) Related Articles Quality (Another attempt to stifle independent voices outside of the Lamestream Media)
6) Disrupting Fake News Economics (Here they go trying to take the money out of the hands of hard-working REAL journalists all over America, who depend on YOUR CLICKS to feed THEIR FAMILIES!)
7) Listening (Oh yeah, they'll be listening all right. Our supporters will have their phone exchange lighting up like a Baghdad evening!!!)
Folks, we've been through a lot over the past few years, with GamerGate, the repeated attacks on our God-Emperor Himself, Donald J. Trump, and the slimy machinations of the humanoid robot impostor otherwise known as Hillary Clinton. But through all of the nonsense that's been percolating in our Greatest Nation On God's Green Earth, we've never faced a threat quite like this – a threat that could cut us off from the millions of good, hard-working, tax-paying folks that absolutely depend on us to keep a watchful eye on the corrupt media establishment and provide them with the Capital T Truth on a daily basis.
We simply cannot allow for this to stand. An attempt to silence our voices, along with the voices of millions of others in a deeply divided country cannot be allowed to continue. We're going to fight this with every fiber of our being, and we want you to join us in this fight. Spam Zuckerberg's inbox, jam up the Facebook customer service phone lines, refuse to click on ANY content from the corrupt mainstream media and KEEP OUR SITE OPEN IN YOUR BROWSER. We won't let this attempt by a two-faced establishmentarian hinder our mission to make America great again.