By Philip   |  03-13-2018   News
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Shia LaBeouf is a buffoon. I mean, that's not news though. Sure it's made news many times, but it's at best old news. His antics, from racist outbursts at police officers when being arrested to attacking trolls (and attendees) at his He Will Not Divide Us "art project" to his claims of being raped during another of his pretentious shenanigans. Esquire magazine does their best to coddle the unhinged actor (and admitted plagiarist) in their puff piece while admitting plenty has happened since he was hailed as "the new Tom Hanks" by Vanity Fair over a decade ago.

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<blockquote>Unlike McEnroe’s outbursts, which became crowd-pleasing shtick, LaBeouf’s have left his offscreen reputation tattered. “McEnroe was a master at his rage,” he says. “I’m a buffoon. My public outbursts are failures. They’re not strategic. They’re a struggling motherf*er showing his a in front of the world.” And since LaBeouf, more than anyone else, did the ripping, he knows it’s now on him to do the mending. “I’ve got to look at my failures in the face for a while,” he says. “I need to take ownership of my s**t and clean up my side of the street a bit before I can go out there and work again, so I’m trying to stay creative and learn from my mistakes. I’ve been falling forward for a long time. Most of my life. The truth is, in my desperation, I lost the plot.” He pauses, then, as if to head off any potential awkwardness, says, “I know this is uncomfortable for you to bring up, bro. I get it. Just get to it.”</blockquote>

It's a puff piece posing as a serious inquiry into a "troubled artist's soul." Sure the author admits LaBeouf has become "a walking meme." The profile even runs through a litany of his greatest hits. Or misses rather:

<blockquote>"In the last year alone, he was stalked by Internet trolls; sued for $5 million by an L.A. bartender for a shouting match in a bowling alley; and arrested in Savannah for public intoxication. Footage of his booze-fueled, racially charged breakdown was leaked to the shame-generating machine that is TMZ, and he was sent to court-ordered rehab for ten weeks, starting last fall."</blockquote>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Shia LaBeouf Breaks His Silence on Mortifying 2017 Arrest: I F–ked Up <a href=""></a> <a href=""></a></p>&mdash; Periodista Urbano (@PeriodistaU) <a href="">March 13, 2018</a></blockquote>

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Sure, there's some interesting trivia as well, but even that only contributes more to the troubled former child star's status as a human punchline: Shia was conceived in a sleeping bag in the back of a van and his name "reflects his ethnicity—Jewish (from Shayna) and Cajun (from Jeffrey)—and loosely translates into 'Thank God for the beef.'" Are you serious? Oh, wait, you are then…

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Most of the rest of the fluff involves Shia making sure to explain how hard he really had it growing up (as a well paid Disney star). Before that, however, evidently, Shia was growing up around biker gangs and while his clown father (not being mean here, he was literally a professional clown) was in rehab his mother was raped by someone in the biker gang encampment before his father's friend could crash in… with a crossbow. It sounds like a Thomas Pynchon story, except a little more over the top, I suppose. It was around the time of this attack that "the beef" found his way into Hollywood. Even as he was making money hand over fist, he found his strained relationship with his alcohol and drug-addicted father to be traumatic and abusive. I mean, lots of folks had horrible lives and grew up to do amazing things. Many of them did so without being millionaires by the time they were of legal drinking age, but whatever I guess…

After several paragraphs of justification for his unhinged actions, Shia gains a rare moment of self-awareness:

<blockquote> “I went to sleep last night thinking that this is going to be some boo-hoo piece: ‘Oh, here he is not trying to own his s**t. He’s trying to put it on his father….’ My dad handed me a lot, and his legacy was an emotional one. And it wasn’t scarring. He handed me texture. My dad blessed me that way.”</blockquote>

Evidently despite the years of therapy, LaBeouf hasn't figured out that the cycle of abuse and addiction tends to be genetic. Even knowing that his life was evidently made miserable by a selfish addict in his life, he's chosen to continue the cycle of unhinged, abusive, drug and alcohol fueled behavior. Another interesting bit of trivia, it's true that douches of a feather flock together. The fawning piece makes mention of a mutual respect between Kanye West and the struggling former child actor.

"Failure has always been what he uses to improve himself," the article claims. If that's so, I wonder why with continued failure and a plummeting descent that just doesn't stop why nothing is getting any better. LaBeouf is becoming an untouchable who is irrelevant to both Hollywood and the viewing public, but he manages to stay in the news the same way Lindsey Lohan did at least. Of course part of that was with a little help from his "friends" at /pol/.

<quote>“I get that it’s fun to beat up on the millionaire celebrity,” LaBeouf says. He even allows that “there’s a level of what 4chan did that’s brilliant.”</quote>

So the question is, will LaBeouf's admission of his own "self-centered delusion" (and /pol/'s brilliance) be enough to earn him back in the good graces of the Hollywood elite? Only time will tell, but you can be sure when the next outburst occurs, as it inevitably will, The Goldwater will be right there with the latest.


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2 Comment/s

Anonymous No. 20499 1520956004

I think most people consider this moron a "buffoon" so it is shocking that he had a moment of sanity and realized it for himself.

Anonymous No. 20716 1521144261

MK ultra?

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03-18-2018   News 5 Comment/s

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